A sad love story.

It has been a long time since we have seen each other. Have you forgotten about me. I feel neglected, dirty and used. I used to be your favourite.

Remember when we first met? That video store in the shopping mall back in 95. It was love at first site. You picked me up and we spent the entire weekend together. It was weeks before your smell came off me.

After that it was 3 even 4 times a week we'd be together. Friends used to comment that we were together too much but you didn't care it felt right. It WAS right. I loved those days. But now they're gone. A distant memory that makes me cry even writing this.

Have you stopped loving me because I haven't cleaned myself up? Those were accidents and I tried to get clean but it was so hard you know that you tried but it only made it worse.

Or is it because I'm getting old and you found some younger model to replace me?

You bastard... You fucking bastard!

I can't remember the last time you took me out. You just want to sleep with me and keep me locked up.

I had you inside me!! and you won't even take me to the fucking movies now let alone a restaurant.

It's over isn't it? I knew deep down it was over but I didn't want to face reality. I was warned this day would come. I heard the whispers, the stories but I never suspected it would happen this fast.

Please don't throw me out, I'll stick around. Just out of respect.... don't use me as a rag.

Dedicated to my old Akira shirt 1995-2010 (pictured) which has now fallen apart and is unwearable :( You were my fav.

Human Flesh Meat Hook Tug of War

Ouch!, Ewww and fuck that!

PUNCHAFACEBOOK.COM

Punch A Face Book.com

A social network site for bouncers. Users can register, log in and trade stories about dealing drugs, upload security camera videos of them beating up people and locate the nearest gym. There will also be an extensive jobs and dating section.

I'm not crazy

"I'm not crazy. But the voices in my head are."

A friend of a friend (hehe it actuall is in this case) said this to me after explaining why they had to visit a hospital for a while.

"Ahh ok" was my response. I'm pretty bad with dealing with stuff like that.

Kanji: Not a rude word

Kanji. It sounds like a rude word but it isnt.

Used in a sentence such as "that girl gives good kanji" or "we went out the back for a bit of kanji" or "she showed me her kanji" it could be mistaken for a rude word. Niot that you'd ever use these sentences.

I'm adding to my my lexicon of words like flange and cumquat.

Las Vega VIP

$1M for Elton John to sign me any song I want for 1 hr. Nice.

Planet Unicorn: The Gayest video you'll see this week

The theme song is quite catchy.

Crushing A Potato

When people talk about user generated content on video blogging they never mention that most of it is pure shit. Just like this video from Powerman65 of a man crushing a potato with his hand. How I stumbled unto this video is a another story unto itself.

Michael Moore's New... Haircut!

I saw Michael Moore's Youtibe message and couldnt help but think he looks like one of those old gay guys that you see with a twenty something asian guy. It's kinda freaky. Before he was just a fat American average Joe looking guy and now he's kinda weird.

Oh and no offence meant to the older guys or the younger asian guys (Gaysians I was told they call themselves) out there in the gay community. As cliche as it sounds some of my firends fall under those categories. See my Mardi Gras photos for proof.

Update: A friend (Ashadi) suggested Michael look more like Peter Griffin and I agree. Check this scientific image below for proof. SO maybe he was going after the average, fat american look after all. Everyone loves Peter Griffin so now they'll love Michael Moore.

You can hardly tell the difference!?! hehe

Greatest McGuyver Escape!

W.T.F!

Piggy Chinese Character

I was doing a multi-lingual project last week and this was one of the characters that was supplied as a translation for a word I forget. It reminds me of Porco Rosso seen below.

Santasm

Meery Belated Xmas

FRUTKAKKE

The latest crase from Japan. Those twisted perverts :)

FRUTKAKKE: is a group sex practice wherein a series of men take turns squirting fruit juice onto a woman, who is sitting, lying down, or kneeling. The juice is left on the face as another man repeats the routine.

While this sounds more appealing to the women as opposed to BUKKAKE. You stilol have to factor in citris juice. That stuff stings like hell if it gets in your eye.

Lame Joke of the Week

Why was the Math teacher late for class?

He got on the rhombus!

Boom Tish! Feel free to use this if you are a Math teacher with no sense of humour.

You will need to know what a rhombus is to really enjoy this depth that this joke works on :)

ROTATO

Rotato: A Potato that spinning.

In the News

At your next dinner party show you watch SBS World News with attention by dropping a few names of oppressed armed forces in dictator run countries.

FARC and MILF are ones to watch out for.

Also show you know pay attention to the NADAQ by noting that BJ’s have shot up in price thanks to big demand for BJ's, while WTFC has dropped due to shareholder revolts.

HAHAHA WTF

A collections of one guys animations on B3ta.com

Twisted French PS2 Commercial

The ass slapping is awesome! That's what I'm thinking about when playing games.

Amsterdamn Sex Museum

What educational purpose does this display serve? Those crazy dutch!

Nikolai Valuev

Why havent I heard of this guy Nikolai Valuev boxer before!?!?!

The guys 7ft tall, unbeaten and looks like a Chenobyl mutant! Amazing! Please EA add him as a downloadable boxer for Fight Night 3 on XBOX 360!!!

I like this photo too. You can add your own sound effect to it. If ever you are having a tough day at work just imagine having to fight this guy to earn your pay.

It's this photo that freaks me out. WTF happend?! He looks semi normal in other photos.

Irish Hoff

This email was sent to an ad agency in Ireland. I've left the phoen number in just in case anyoen needs to get in contact :)

Dear "Stakeholdergroup",

After having my eyes lasered a month ago I've been mobbed by people in
Belfast asking to have their photographs taken with me because I look
like David Hasselhoff and I reckon that I could use this unusual talent for PR events.

I live in East Belfast, so its pretty easy for me to turn up to local events.

My telephone number is 07866 411 144.

I have a degree in Business Studies too that specialised in Marketing, so I might be able to help you in other ways.

Please tell me your thoughts.

Many thanks,
Magnus Ramsay

Code Black?

I think this is for a new Coke campaign or a shoe?

Flash Player Warranty

This is taken from here. Everyone must have read these terms and conditions right?

WARRANTY DISCLAIMER

ADOBE AND ITS SUPPLIERS DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES AND REPRESENTATIONS, WHETHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED, OR OTHERWISE, INCLUDING THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. ALSO, THERE IS NO WARRANTY OF NON-INFRINGEMENT AND TITLE OR QUIET ENJOYMENT. ADOBE DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE SOFTWARE IS ERROR-FREE OR WILL OPERATE WITHOUT INTERRUPTION. NO RIGHTS OR REMEDIES REFERRED TO IN ARTICLE 2A OF THE UCC WILL BE CONFERRED ON YOU UNLESS EXPRESSLY GRANTED HEREIN. THE SOFTWARE IS NOT DESIGNED, INTENDED OR LICENSED FOR USE IN HAZARDOUS ENVIRONMENTS REQUIRING FAIL-SAFE CONTROLS, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION, THE DESIGN, CONSTRUCTION, MAINTENANCE OR OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL, AND LIFE SUPPORT OR WEAPONS SYSTEMS. ADOBE SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIMS ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTY OF FITNESS FOR SUCH PURPOSES.

I'm sorry the flash interface for your Nuclear reactor has crashed. It's chernobyl all over again. That was built in Flash 4.

Tell Target (reactor){
gotoAndPlay("meltdown");
}

HAHAH scary shit if they think you'd run a weapons system through flash. Everyone knows they all use AJAX.

Scared Stiff!

I got sent this today from someone was looking on google images for a "hooker" image. The guys that came up with the scared stiff line would have had to take the rest of the day off. It's quality.

Boring Blog

I know this blog is pretty shit but not as bad as this was http://candycult.blogspot.com/ it also seems someone else has registred Candycult.com the bastards.

Geriatrics At Your Fingertips!!!!!

My idea for a killer zombie horror film has already been made into a handbook for aged care. Check it out here, scary shit!
I don't want to know where to stick a catheter.

Brad picked up a typo on the cover. Not that I have ever spelt anything correctly since I started using ICQ.

Happy Australia Day

Retouching

I feel sick.

I always thought they retouched women to give them awesome boobs but now know the real truth!

Cans Are Cool?

Why have I been bombarded with ads promotion the use of aluminium cans? Yeah I drink from a can now and then but I don't think they are "cool". Who pays for this advertising? The can manufacturers? Might as well spend that advertising money buying your own product.

No word of the campaign here

Why stop at advertising dumb products like cans. Why don't I hear "Toothpicks are groovey" or "Don't leave home without a wallet" on the radio.

"Highlighters are for winners"
"You can't do shit without a 2B"
"Stick an icecube in ya drink"
"ladies love straws"

Chuck DVD Player

Sometimes real life if wierder than fiction. No more so than this Chuck Norris DVD player. It protects your kids from harmful content. I'm not sure if he steps up and roundhouses your kids in the eyes to do this but even if not, this is a weird ass DVD player.

See what else Chuck has to offer here at MAX

The Hoff actually had a cimilar product but it only showed you beach babes and hair chested men. It wasn't as popular.

8 Items or Less

At Coles last night the peopel in front of me bought (on top of a normal trolley full of groceries) 10x6 pack of condoms, 2 tubes of lube and headache tablets!

Now they looked like a normal couple but either they were planning a massive orgy or were going to smuggle drugs.

I wondered why they didn't topt for the 24 packs instead of buying so many 6 packs? Could have been that these were for other people and everyone kinds likes to have their own 6 pack.

Either way I was so tempted to take a photo of the shopping screen.

Oportos WTF!

Check out this tray matt (click for larger version) I saw in Oporto's the other day. W.T.F!